Resilency, the word I've grown to hate.

A few years ago, while stationed in Florida, I had a dear friend going through a separation with her husband tell me the reality of military life that no one really discusses. They had been together more than 10 years, two children, multiple duty stations, countless missed birthdays, holidays and 'firsts'. 
 
During our chats, we always went back to our children having to toe the line, embrace the suck, and leave friends and family more times than their civilians counterparts. How vacation really meant driving hundreds of miles just to visit family for a few days once, maybe twice a year, if his leave dates lined up just "right". And, she said "you know, they say our kids are resilient? But, how do we know if they really are resilient? It's not like we've taught them that it's okay to be upset, or to even remotely express that they are hurting due to the choice we made for them to live this life? They didn't sign up for the ridiculous deployment ops tempo? They didn't sign up for all the missing? We did, and they are innocent in all this. Surely they've picked up on our stoic display of we will be "just fine". They've definitely learned that the only acceptable answer to "how are you holding it all together?" that is asked hundreds of times during the hundredth "see ya later" is "we are great, we'll get through it like we always do." Tiffany, how do we know if they are really going to be okay after all this?' I didn't have an answer, and I don't think there is true measurement of resiliency among military kids. Let's gather up a few thousand young adult military brats, from let's say from the last 12-15 years and ask how they feel. In just my small circle of friends, I've asked the older kids, those graduating high school, those going to college back in their home state while mom/dad/siblings are stationed in Germany, or dad is shipped out a month for graduation to Afghanistan. You know what those kids freely say when no one important is around? " I hated it, I didn't join because I didn't want to do it to my family". That's not resiliency. That's just getting through it, and hoping for the best. It's not speaking our truth, and it is truly a huge disservice to our children.

This week I've been blindsided by the sheer hurt of my husband missing the biggest day of our son's young life. As he walks the stage for his high school graduation, his dad will be viewing the ceremony from 6000+ miles away, in a different time zone, on a different continent. And you know what, Caysen doesn't have to be okay with his dad missing this huge day in his life. Caysen has been drug across this country three times. He's slapped a smile on his face with every move. As we have moved across multiple state lines, John has not home. He's been away at training, or his report date required him to only have a a couple of days to get settled. Then there's the time he had to leave to head to WV due to his father's being hospitalized two days after we closed our first home in Florida. I was 8.5 months pregnant with Tatum, and we had literally moved from a rental to our home, and a couple of days after signing the papers, and moving the household goods, without much of anything unpacked, John boarded a plane and left for two weeks. Caysen has actually unpacked a house more than his dad has in the last 10 years. 

The first 9 years of Caysen's life were spent in Texas with me. My family, being my mom, step-dad, and two brothers were and are our fundamental pillars of support. They've always been there for us without hesitation. They'll be here today, and honestly, that's the only thing I want is for my family to be here. Not for me, I can shoulder this. But for, Caysen, he needs his family. He needs and deserves to have nothing short of an amazing celebration this weekend. I'm so grateful that my family is willing to make the 14+ hour drive to be a part of this milestone event. My youngest brother was married just two weeks ago, and he will be here with his new wife and that means the world to me! 

Some wounds simply won't heal. The scar will always be fresh, and I can only hope that as he grows up, he knows I really am sorry for all he's had to endure. Yes, we've had a great life. He's seen parts of this country that we didn't know even existed. He's met some amazing people and made lifelong friends. His life has been enriched by the experiences and there are lots of good memories we've collected and cherish from our time as an Air Force family. I know thousands of kids deal with this stuff. I know there have been and there will be thousands more who have parents miss stuff. I'm sad that any child and family have to endure all the missing. But, it's especially hard when it's your kid who is the one hurting.  I can openly admit that the events of my past with my own father still hurt and I'm 40 years old. I don't want Caysen to have to be resilient through this weekend. I want him to know it's totally acceptable to be furious, and that it's okay to hurt. Teach your children it's entirely okay to NOT embrace the suck, and when asked, the acceptable answer is exactly what and how they feel, but they will survive it. They'll be stronger because of all it. None of that matters in the "right now", but give them hope. No one, not even the good old Uncle Sam, gets to negate their feelings. Teach them it's okay to tell you that they are angry, even if it means that they are angry at you, ask for forgiveness, and do it often. Ask for grace as you struggle with your own emotions and hurts. 

When we found out Tuesday morning that John had been bumped from the rotator flight, I apologized to Caysen. Because you know what? That handsome, stoic, kick butt kid of mine, he's taken it all in stride and he's always been kind, loving, and most of all forgiving. I hope one day, he can look back and know that it's okay for him to not be okay with everything. Most importantly, it's okay for him to tell his truth. It's okay to make sure his voice is heard. Even if what he has to say isn't popular because we aren't supposed to let anyone know that this life is not easy and there's a lot more "hard" stuff. I have encouraged the Littles to express themselves freely through this last year. I don't know why I expected Caysen to just be his normal " I'm good, momma". I'm not good with it. No one should ever reach the point of it "being good". For me in these circumstances, resiliency simply means making sure that you never exhibit any sign of weakness even when you feel like every last fiber of your being is crumbling. Resiliency doesn't always mean being able to overcome and thrive. It means we put our emotions in a box and we deal with everything as if we aren't hurting, angry or sad. I hate the word, and if I let down the good ole military spouse community by speaking some truth so be it.






 

That's Lularoe, right? Did we just become best friends?

I started my Lula obsession several months ago with my Flying pig legging (  When Pigs Fly ). From leggings, I moved onto Irmas, Randys, and Carlys. I found my heart being pulled toward the Nicole dress even though it scared me due to my awkward post-baby body shape. SURPRISE, the Nicole dress is everything that everyone said it would be and more! And, from there the rest is truly history.

I have amassed a pretty substantial Lula collection to feature several of the styles from the extensive line of Lularoe. Truly, I have found a company that does have something for everyone. As a former plus size girl, I remember struggling to find stylish and flattering clothing. As a weight loss surgery patient, I found it difficult to find clothing that fit my body. Honestly, I struggled to even dress myself as an average size woman. And, today, here I am 40 years young, mom to three kiddos ages 18, 5 and 4 and I’m so thankful that I’m not wearing mom jeans, grungy t-shirts covered in spit up, and I can actually look stylish, cute and most importantly confident. 

Terry Cassagne-Hoye was one of the first Lularoe consultants who I started “stalking” from her initial launch with the company in September 2016.  I was a unicorn hunter for specific leggings, and I was so excited to actually participate in her launch with brand new inventory. Terry is well-organized, very generous in her giveaways, and is always on top of customer service. While Facebook can be difficult in the group setting, she’s always been quick to respond if there was a technical issue. One afternoon while perusing her group, I noticed she was looking for a blogger to review some of the new styles she would be introducing in her VIP shop. You can check out the group here Terry's Fabulous VIP Group . I was excited to be selected, and I can’t wait to share my thoughts on these two awesome styles that Terry is looking forward to offering her VIPs.

Madison Skirt - The Madison skirt is full skirted and features hand-set box pleats and hidden pockets. It is comfortable and practical for everyday life, but easily dressed up when the occasion demands something fancier. Truthfully, wearing it makes those everyday tasks seem a bit more of, well, a special occasion.

 (http://www.lularoe.com/madison-skirt/ )

I won’t deny being totally intimidated by the pleats on the Madison skirt.  I’ve paired it here with a Lularoe Perfect Tee and with a tank with jean jacket. My favorite aspect of Lularoe styles is just how versatile each one can be for every woman. My body shape is not necessarily the best for pleats, particularly right at the waist line, but I was pleasantly surprised at how cute and fun this skirt was for me to wear. I prefer wearing it higher up and belted as pictured. I also paired it Lularoe Perfect Tee and that made it the perfect outfit for a quick day out running errands. And, the POCKETS, oh the pockets who doesn’t love hidden pockets?  The Madison skirt is one that can be worn in all seasons. I can wear this in the spring and summer months with flip flops or flats. And, then in the fall and winter, pair it with tights and great pair of booties. The material blend is 96% polyester and 5% spandex which offers a comfortably cool and a wrinkle free skirt. The wide band elastic waist is forgiving in the sizing. As a reference, I am solid size 10/12 in the “retail” world for most retailers. The Madison skirt I’m wearing a size medium, and it’s the perfect fit. Overall, while the Madison scared me initially, I have fallen in love with this skirt and look forward to adding a couple more to my wardrobe. 

Nicole Dress - The Nicole dress boasts a fitted bodice, flattering scoop neck, mid-length sleeves, and a full circle skirt. It is simultaneously casual and dressy and, in a word, feminine! It is the sort of dress that brings out all that is girl in you - and we know you will not be able to resist giving it a twirl. Fun and fashionable? Yes, please.

http://www.lularoe.com/nicole-dress/

The Nicole dress was the one dress was so hesitant to purchase that it took not one but two friends to convince me that the Nicole was the “dress for me”. I found the cutest prints in the Nicole dress and absolutely love the fitted bodice, and the half sleeves are perfect my very flawed post weight loss surgery arms. Girls, we all know how much we hate our “batwings”, and I am here to tell you that the Nicole sleeve is my saving grace on disguising my post weight loss surgery arms. Terry wanted me to review the Elegant line of Lularoe styles offered this last holiday season. The Elegant collection is a very limited edition of prints and colors with new and exciting material options. OH the shiny and sparkles that twinkled in each style really encompassed every holiday party and gathering possible. When I received the Elegant Nicole dress, I was so excited! With the Elegant collection, you’ll need to need to definitely account for material differences. I have found that the Elegant Nicole, pictured here in Large, is a bit smaller than my other Nicole dresses in the cotton and the waffle texture. However, the only noticeable difference in this particular Nicole is the bust measurement being the smaller. The arms, waist and hip areas all fit the same. My absolute favorite style aspect of the Nicole is the drop waist and twirl skirt. This dress has a vintage, skater dress feel while still being dressed up for Sunday services or perfect for date nights. The Elegant Nicole is so flattering and I feel absolutely beautiful in this dress. I’ve paired it here with textured tights and heels with various accessories from my jewelry collection. If I were to pick a favorite dress from the Lularoe line it would be a really close race for 1^st place between the Nicole and Carly dress. The Nicole dress is available in a wide range of sizes, and there are prints along with solids to fit any woman’s preference.

If you aren’t sure on sizing, message Terry with any questions and she will happily assist you on finding the perfect fit. She’s been an excellent “personal shopper” for me. I really struggle with styling sometimes, and stepping out of my comfort zone hasn’t been the easiest. When I have needed a top to match a skirt or leggings, Terry has always been able to whip up an outfit that is spot on for my personality and personal preferences.

Join Terry’s VIP  group :  https://www.facebook.com/groups/LuLaRoewithTerryC/

Follow Terry on Instagram :   https://www.instagram.com/lularoeterrycassagne/ 

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”