Setting boundaries

There is no need to justify to anyone that I need to set boundaries in all relationships. We establish them with our families, our children, our parents, and friends. But, often times, the friend boundaries get pushed or we easily overlook something because we so desperately "need" people, we need friends.

 In 2008, we had just hit Hurlburt Field, John was TDY and I went to a "Welcome Spouse" orientation at the A&FRC. During the social time, I met a 20+ year spouse and she told me "just remember, the first person you meet likely will not remain a friend to you because you meet out of desperation, you cling to them and they cling to you because you're new and vulnerable". I can not tell you all how true this sage advice has become over the last few years. I admittedly have had a hard time adjusting to life in Knoxville. Thank goodness, I'm over that horrific stage HA! I wasn't shy about it, I shared my struggles and I learned really fast that a listening, compassionate "oh I know how you feel, I felt the same way" ear is also a running mouth. I made the biggest mistake opening up to someone I barely knew and who didn't know me from Adam, but knew about everyone and shared all the details of every other person's lives, dirty laundry and all. I never imagined that this sharing of information was the status quo, was the pattern of toxic behavior and was simply the way someone operated. I felt like I was getting the Insider's Edition to our new assignment, our new home for the next 4 years. I had the inside scoop, who was great, who to avoid, how and why things were different here. Let me tell ya, all it was a vicious cycle and now after 2 years here, I'm finally seeing the light. The point to all this really boils down to setting boundaries. Accepting what has happened, apologizing for my own offenses and looking to mend the relationships that are important to me. I do not have to and will NOT play nice with people who are inherently full of toxic behaviors and who set out to harm others with vicious lies, gossip and personal attacks that go beyond your typical "she's just a stuck up snob" or "she's such a (Insert the vulgar name of your choosing)". I do not have to tolerate bad behavior or the victim mentality that is self-inflicted and some conjured up paranoia that the entire world is out to get them. Let me be very frank here; All of this is happening because you created it. Your lies, your gossip, your hurtful slandering is what has caused all the distress. I shouldn't have to point it out, but apparently it's not obvious to the offender. In all of this, what I've learned is setting boundaries, cutting people out of my life is not rude nor do I lack empathy for people. I simply refuse to allow people to continue to be a part of our lives when they choose to flat out lie and wreak havoc in a tiny world that we are trying to create. I will not feel an ounce of guilt for saving myself from someone's destructive behaviors. I will not participate in it. If I have mutual friends, I ask that you respect that I have set boundaries with someone who has, on multiple occasions, proven who they are and how they operate. I simply ask that if you can not keep me, my family, my life out of the conversation with a person who is looking to put me down, degrade me, attack my character, insult my family, do you and me a favor, REMOVE me from your life. If you can not or will not honor this simple request, I'm be happy to ditch you as well. I do not wish ill on anyone nor am I seeking any type of vengeance. I only want to be done and be able to move forward. I'm simply choosing me, my happiness, and my future.